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Feb. 16th, 2009

01:49 pm - Brandy this is for you

so i am dating heide the 38 year old i told u about i went to the doctors i have a ct scan i don't know the date. i like school but i have absoulutely no free time. all my time is consumed with school, heide and sleep and things like laundry so thats why i really haven't touched base with u in awhile and im sorry but dont worry i am fine i will try and keep u updated love u brandybear

Current Location: aunts house

Current Mood: exhausted

Current Music: just dance

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Oct. 17th, 2008

10:29 pm - WARNING YOU DONT WANNA READ THIS

so my party has been canceled and i probably won't get to have it till january. cuz my mom says there is too much going on cuz her step mom has cancer and my aunt is sick but its not like she likes her step mom and i dont know why my aunts daughter cant help her or her husband. and my friends never come and c me anymore. ash might as well be dead. my life revolves around ashley and i never c her but if i think i might i wont leave so there is a halloween/30th birthday party 4 my cousin and i want to go but i doubt i will i will be too busy crying cuz i feel like dying cuz my friends won't come c me ever. and i wouldnt care as much but i don't think they care half the time if i wanna hang myself if they did then i wouldn't cry. when i get my check i am getting ashley part of her birthday present but i still gotta come up with $100 4 the other part. she better love me. i miss my life when i was happy

ok im done bitching. and crying

and i am going tm just because i wanna have fun but i wont!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Current Location: Mikes house

Current Mood: crushed

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May. 1st, 2008

Feb. 29th, 2008

10:34 pm

so I have been forced to go to affirmations again because tamara cant live a fucking single weekend without being here. grrr! i am 19 fucking years old and yes sometimes its fun but not all the time i wanna go to a rave or the bar not here. but at least tm i get to go out my friend from like 4ever ago gave tamara her new cell# and told her to have me call her so I did she is having her 18th b-day party tm and invited me to her house at 1:00pm the to the bar that night so that should be fun because i haven't seen her since she went to FL 2 years ago. ok well i'm out peace

Current Location: affirmations

Current Mood: bored

Current Music: broken-lindsey haun

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Jan. 17th, 2008

04:32 pm

so I think i'm moving of course I don't want to but i cant deal with my family theres nothing here for me except wishy AJ ash and tamara. wishy took my roll of queen bitch everytime i see her shes whineing about AJ if AJs not around shes not happy and its seriously annoying. AJs never around because shes always busy and because she cant come to my house because my moms a bitch that makes things a little complicated. Ash I never see and the last time she was here I got hurt again big suprize there If i see her in the next year I will be suprized. and Tamara I love to peices but shes not enough to make me stay living in a nightmare. my brother is crazy my sister is evil. then theres my mom who should have never had kids because she don't know how to raise them.and of course me who is insane because of my family and genitics. so i'm leaving what other choice do i have. where i'm going is not my ideal living situation but its better then the situation i'm in. and theres no jobs down here. o and my 19th b-day is the 28th of january and i'm not doing anything because I have no money to get a hotel room 4 me and my friends and AJs not allowed at my house and i want all my friends there or none of them so my mom says she will try and pay 4 it and she tells me to find out what the rates are in frankenmuth and i was like o because how am i gonna get my friends there and she was like i will drive and i was like AJ too and then she was like well no so i told her to fuck off. LIFE SUCKS!!!!!!!!!!!!

Current Mood: cranky

Current Music: A*Teens

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Jan. 4th, 2008

07:52 pm

2008 sux!!!! my mom is an insane psychotic bitch who should die!!! she needs to realize that i'm 18 almost 19 and needs to stay the fuck outta my life. and as a result of her stupidity i don't get to c aj or wishy like ever this sux sooooo bad!!! tamaras house started on fire and on new years and now she lives in a hotel and shes getting kicked out of this hotel in 2weeks but hey at least i still get to c her. well i'm out love u all

Current Mood: annoyed

Current Music: natalie imbruglia- torn

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Oct. 24th, 2007

04:00 pm

life has been so confusing lately. saturday i was with aj n tamara. then aj went with amy me n tamara stayed up n talked all night. sunday i got a rock thrown at my head when i was half asleep. not literly its a figure of speech for i got my heart broken. then i decided to drop out of high school. so today i went and took my books back and got to say bye to holly n bubbles i will so miss them. and i wanna get me GED. but i'm scared to grow up and scared i'm not intelligent enough to do it and i don't have a job. it just scares me. but i figure i've been through worse. there are two people in my life right now who understand AJ and ashlee
well i'm out for now

Current Mood: scared

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Oct. 18th, 2007

03:13 pm

ok so my mom wanted me to get a job thats what she gets. me n wishy are going to apply at tycoons either today or tomorrow shes not happy about it but i need the money.

Current Mood: energetic

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Oct. 17th, 2007

06:29 pm - FREAK OUT!!!

i never understand the point of having friends there suppost to be people that u can talk to and they listen or help u if they can the ones who make u feel up when u feel down. but for some reason when i'm down i have nobody and the ones who i do have aren't in the mood to help they have things things that are more important and i understand but when its something dumb like i wanna see laura even after i spent the entire weekend with her and i had already promised u i would come see you. i asked her if she wanted to go out for her b-day and she said yeah but now she doesn't because she wants to go hunting with laura again i haven't really seen her all week.

i am like on the verge of suicide u think anybody would care.

my mom won't ever take me to school because its too far and she cant afford it.
or because she wants me to watch the baby I WANT TO FINISH HIGH SCHOOL!!!!
so last night we get in a fight and she tells me she wants me to drop out of school and get a job.

I would like nothing more then to be done i'm almost 19 years old.

i didn't ask for my life to be like it is for my father to hate me and not care if we have food or notor for him to beat my mom everyday and almost kill her a few times. or my dads mom to give him everything and not help a little with her three grandkids.

i didn't ask for a mother who is always sick and can't budget her money. or her or my dad to have us. its not my fault she has no money and had no help raising us. and its not my fault she had me i didn't want to be born into my family.

my aunt did take care of me years ago but she don't anymore paige is her princess.

someway or another i need a way out i just don't know how i have been pushed over my limit. i need some time off and away from wishy and my family.

and at the end of the day i cry and always have regrets and i just don't know how to fix my life.

i am sorry to whine and bitch but i couldn't take it in anymore

btw AJ thank u for keeping me sane for the last few days

Current Mood: scared

Current Music: michelle branch

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Oct. 15th, 2007

09:28 pm

today was ok and not i got woke up by my mom at 7 to tell me not too get up she didn't feel like driving me to school. that sucked. then AJ txt me at 8:30am just because and we txt back n forth till 12pm when she gets outta work then she came over and got her birthday present i made her. then left then kelly cassie and cassie came over for a lil bit then left and then wishy came over until 8 now i'm chillin. i'm skippin wed. i know i really should go but somehow it seems pointless i miss so much cuz of my mom that i am taking a day for my friends b-day wishys cuttin her hair short on wed. because she will be 18 and her mom cant tell her noand were gonna kick it at my house. i really hope i get famous sometime soon so i can quit school i'm to smart for it anywayz

Current Location: oma's basement lol.

Current Mood: pessimistic

Current Music: the way i are- timbaland

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Oct. 9th, 2007

06:38 pm - Trippy

I made it in digital imaging 2 at school today it was dandy

Current Mood: curious

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Oct. 8th, 2007

08:11 pm

grrr today sucked wishy is sick my credits got messed up and my teacher told me i shouldn't bother with going to high school anymore i should just drop out and get my GED and that is so not what i'm doing anywayz today sucked but saturday was affirmations was ammusing but theres like two people who annoyed me like so bad well i g2g

Current Mood: exhausted

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Sep. 20th, 2007

Sep. 18th, 2007

08:06 pm

I got in to AAW which is fabulous!!! and ashlee is speaking to me again which is a + because i missed her sooooo much and come to find out she had valid reason for not talking to and it all comes down to i'm a bitch but my intention are good but she took it the wrong way although i feel as though she may not live along time shes got some medical problems major going on and sux for me she has a gf now. but as long as shes happy i'm happy. i'm not so happy about my medical issues there looking into the possibility of cancer but i don't think so or at least i hope not in the last month i have had 3 cat scans and a million other test and no diagnosis yet.. newayz we shall see

Current Mood: mellow

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Aug. 28th, 2007

04:48 pm

last night was rather amusing. wishy went to jail because lauras dad is a fucking dumb ass. heres the story

laura wanted wishy to stay the night with her well wishy agreed and went. every night laura her dad and uncle go collect scrap metal from the trash and they always take wishy along to. anyway they get this bright idea well wishy n laura are in the back seat sleeping to go break in to some factory and steal metal so they could make alot of money. so the cops find out lauras dad and uncle take off and the cops arrest wishy n laura and take them to jail. and tells wishy that bond in $100 for her and $30 for laura so wishy calls her mom and her mom not having much money as it is gets $130 to get her and laura out when she gets there they tell her its $100 for laura to so she got wishy out and laura got stuck there. they told wishy that they were chargeing her and laura with larsion and assisting crime and trying them both as adults wishys only 17 and lauras 18 anyway by the time lauras mom got enough money to get her out they told her they didn't have enough evidence to charge her and wishy with anything and didn't make her pay bond so thats where it stands now. i am about ready to beat the shit out of lauras dad my family would have never let me go though that and wishy n laura shouldn't have had to either.

then today i'm at work and i am discharging a paitent and his dad was with him and his dad had to be like 80 then were waiting for the elevator and his dad has a seisure then comes out of it and says i'm ok i was just a lil dizzy. so we take his vitals and they were fine and the RN says r u sure ur ok and he tells her yeah and they let them leave and get this the guy who had the seisure drives home.

then one of the elevators got stuck with people inside my job is fucking insane.
and at work i saw my teacher ms.rose and i saw 3 people i went to school with and i got to discharge randys sister and see the newest addition to their family Myia Marie

well thats all for now

Current Mood: drained

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Aug. 23rd, 2007

Jul. 28th, 2007

05:53 pm

i have been so sick. they say its asthma but what ever. i went to urgent care and they put me on oxygen and gave me a breathing treatment they were fucking annoying as hell and wishy went with me i love her shes fucking amazing. i start work on monday and i had to spend over $100 on my uniform grrr also my hair is blonde well i gotta go

Current Mood: sick

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Jul. 17th, 2007

06:58 pm

my mother should die i hate her and my father but i would much rather live with him then her i think. 15 minutes after she came in she started on me and had me in peices again who the fuck does she think she is. she was pissed i called my dad and yelled at him for never having money sorry but when i have no food at my house i have a right to call him if i want. then i called nikky and asked him to come get me and tamara was still there then i went to pack my shit and she found my witch book and energy pills and freaked out and she is like what the fuck is this and i was like pills and a witch book shes like i'm burning it as if shes some devout christian she hasn't attended church since she was like 6 so i told her it was tamaras she wouldn't give me the pills back like i cant get more its not even illegal. she is a fucking bitch. i haven't a clue where i am going but it won't be with her i am at my aunts right now. i called my aunt linda and she said she would take care of my mom ya know what my mother should have been happy that her house was clean and cleaner then it is when she cleans it. i also actually cooked food that tasted good get that and i sure as hell didn't learn it from her. i can take care of myself i cant deal with her any more she needs to be on a 24 hour a day thorzine drip but she is so two faced nobody sees how insane she is. if i have no place to live i don't know how i'm gonna go to school. its all her fault she married my dad not me she picked him she had me not me and i can't figure out why

Current Mood: scared

Current Music: greenday -when i come around

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Jun. 18th, 2007

Apr. 23rd, 2007

11:56 am

my weekend sucked so bad!! for the last month i have been trying to figure out how to get enough money to go see VNV Nation and at the last moment after realizing there was no hope of me getting any money i asked my aunt linda so on friday she gave me $50 well my mom had no money she had no cigs. and there was no food and nothing to drink and my house and if it was just me i wouldn't have cared but i can't let my lil brother and my mom go hungry so i gave her my $50 and she told me she would have it back by sunday well nick ended up not having enough money to let her barrow any so i didn't get to go so i spent my weekend popping pills hoping it would end.

today is monday i have one ciggerette and no money!!!!!!!!
i hate my family i wanna move out so bad and i would really like to tell my mom no u cant have my lunch money and no you cant have my going out money but i cant because then i have them all complaining that they need too eat!!!
my life SUX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

Current Mood: depressed

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